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The forum you are about to enter is coed, but until the For Young Men Only book was released, September 16, 2008, it’s been dominated by the alien gender. Discussions have centered on a variety of topics including the companion book for teen girls, For Young Women Only. We hope this forum will provide answers to questions, advice, and explanations, in a way that will help you understand the opposite sex better. Young Men…enter at your own risk!

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Forums > Teen Online Forums > Advice From Fellow Readers
Subject: if you're nice and friendly to guys will they assume that you're into them?
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smileybookwormUser is Offline

Posts:48
02/20/2010 9:42 AM  
I was reading some of the guy responses from the book and one said that a little attention or affirmation goes a long way. I'm friendly with lots of guys and joke around a lot but I'm not interested in any of them. Can anyone clear this up for me?
Jesus has a thing for losers.
-Losers by Me in Motion
Grant I.User is Offline

Posts:184
02/20/2010 12:13 PM  
The book's right. It does! I love it when girls are like you describe yourself. They're lots of fun to hang out with, and they're a breath of fresh air! If you're not interested in them, you just have to be careful that you don't get too huggy or physical with them even if you mean absolutely nothing by it and are just havin' fun/bein' silly. Also, try to be careful about saying some of those "trigger words" to guys. Compliments are awesome! They turn my pilot light into a raging inferno in an instant, and it's important for guys to hear from girls occasionally too. Just don't go overboard to where it could feel like you're hitting on them, etc. I don't know if this cleared anything up, or just muddied the water. Good luck!
clareUser is Offline

Posts:932
02/20/2010 3:47 PM  
I think guys and girls are alot the same on this. If a guy starts giving a girl attention she starts wondering and will maybe respond to them. Not all people are word of affirmation Grant:) If someone says something nice to me that's ok, if someone gives me something out of the clear blue they got me!!!
Being friendly and joking around is fine. It's a way to make friends.lol but There's a point when it get's obnoxious. I can get very boisterous and when I was in my early teens mom would come up behind me and tap on my shoulder and say "quiet down now" that always mortified me. I think every girl knows deep down what their intentions are and if they are harmless than most people can tell. A few dense dudes cant no matter how cold you are to them:-/
rachelUser is Offline

Posts:35
02/20/2010 4:15 PM  
i'm friends with a bunch of guys that i wouldn't date but are fantastic friends, yet i still accidentally flirt probably.

i think my line in treating my boyfriend different (when were just friends) was that i treated him very differently than i treated the other guys. like if you're flirting with every guy the exact same way then it should send a thing through them that says "okay she treats everyone like this, so its not like she likes me" but then if you're only hanging out with one guy and you're constantly accidently flirting (i mean we're girls, it happens and we don't always realize it!) then yeah he might get the wrong idea.

i'd say try to hang out with guys more than one at a time so you can sort of make it clear that you're not being nice and friendly to him because you like him, its because you're his friend and that you do that with all your guy friends.

i don't know if this helps or if its right but its working for me.
"The difference between involvement and commitment is like a eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved-the pig was committed."
AdelynnUser is Offline

Posts:516
02/21/2010 10:10 AM  
Hey, Grant, what are some of the "trigger words" you were talking about?

I was texting a friend during class break the other week and a guy I'm not interested- almost in any way- in walked by saying something about how he wouldn't really punch me, and as I typed I absently said aloud "that's sweet of you." I didn't even realize I had said anything until he looked back at me! ugh. Later I told him that if he did, I would punch him back.

I totally don't flirt, but my personality is quiet and attentive and I try to care about people. And now I've said something stupid to this guy, how do I get the message across that I didn't mean what it sounded like?? =P
"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic
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