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cassie14
Posts:68
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| 04/06/2011 2:47 PM |
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ok so i know startin this thread might open a big discussion  cause i know Nicole, Jo Jo, and Clare all think that 14 and up to like 18? is to young to date/have a relationship me personally i think its fine and some of ya'll already know how i feel bout that!  but i was wonderin like of those who believe in courtin or watever its called what exactly is it? and why do you think its "so horrible" to date younger? i know you think it just "makes you weaker" or "could cause you marriage problems in the future" so i just want to know other answers about it! thanks  
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*judge no one* |
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nateynate
Posts:316
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| 04/06/2011 4:28 PM |
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| why bring yourself into temptation when it is not needed |
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" Wake up oh my soul
wake up and praise the Lord
rise up you sleepy soul
rise up and praise the Lord"
Enter Your Gates |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 04/06/2011 5:29 PM |
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Aww Cassie, okay, well first off, where did you get the idea that we think (or I think) that dating young is so horrible? I don't think it's so "horrible" as you put it; I just am not advocating it, and don't agree with it. But ultimately, parents have that authority.
I haven't decided on courtship per se, but what it is basically is a serious relationship in which you have no other intention than marriage. In other words, when you court someone, you have the intention of marrying him (or her for guys). You save yourself for that serious relationship.
Personally, I am not opposed to dating. I just don't think it's such a good idea to start dating at too young an age. I won't go into details, since I already did on the topic, but essentially, I'm not strongly opposed to dating at say age 14- I just don't think it's such a good idea. Not all young high school and jr high girls show large amounts of maturity. I guess if it's one word that could sum up why I don't agree with dating so young it would be maturity.
I said I wasn't opposed to dating, and that's true. I don't necessarily go for dating around and moving from one person to the next in the space of 2 weeks, but healthy, mature and strong dating relationships- that's what I'm going for. Those tend to be long term relationships, and usually at an older age, you're looking for that long term relationship, whereas at a younger age, not so much; though I'm talking in terms of marriage. Since I've never dating, I'm not sure dating, in the healthy sense, can make you a little stronger, but I imagine it could. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 04/07/2011 4:38 AM |
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as nicole has said, we're not saying it's "Forbidden" just that having come through all the stuff we have, we know now that having/if we had relationships earlier on, we'd have had no idea or had no idea how to go about them and had unnecesary heart ache.
btw there is, yet again, a "Dating vs Courting" thread in the archives which actually details alot of what we, nicole, clare, myself, along with will, david, locke etc think.... might be a good idea to check out. |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 04/07/2011 2:03 PM |
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My best friend is 2 years younger than I, and when I was her age (18) I was like why can't I date? All it is is getting to know a guy, and it's fun, and I know what to do and not to do. WRONG!!! It is SO TRUE that every relationship changes you, and by the time you are engaged you will regret it all. My mom would always tell me this and I didn't think she was right but.. My best friend is doing the whole date a guy, well he's ---so guess I'll break up, and I just hurt for her, when she gets into a lasting relationship she, like me, will have a lot of habits and stuff to work through that could have totally been avoided.
Now, from a guy's perspective...I have a friend who wants a serious relationship, he has dated and was very committed but each of these girls just wanted to date and while the girl might think the guy can get over it fine, we need to remember in every break up someone gets hurt. If it's not the girl, it's the guy. And I think when a guy is hurt is a deeper hurt, and one that totally smashes their confidence and feeling man enough. Why do that to a guy?? We wonder why there are no real men out there any more, I think part of it is this whole dating wringer cycle. Getting hurt often isn't good for anyone.
my opinions there |
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Rose
Posts:137
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| 04/07/2011 7:50 PM |
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I've been really busy lately so I don't have time to type out a full reply, but I copy and pasted one of my posts from a similar topic. I hope this helps clarify things a bit. Also, I recommend Josh Harris' "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl."
.............................................................................................................................................................
I've decided to go through the courtship process. Although it sounds old-fashioned and unnecessary, courtship is simply not pursuing a relationship until you are ready to be united in marriage. Both the guy and the girl sit down together before they go on any dates and agree that the purpose of their time together is not for fun and romance, but to discover if God means for them to be married or not. If at anytime throughout the period one does not feel like they are, they immediately tell the other in order to minimize the damage. God is at the center of the relationship, and both the guy and girl pray for and with each other, and talk about what God is doing in their lives. They set specific physical boundaries that they will not cross to ensure that physical and emotional gratification is not the focus of the relationship, but the friendship building process as they seek God first.
Sometimes it may be hard to wait until you are of marrying age to be in a relationship. But think of your single years as a gift! You are able to serve God wholeheartedly as you develop as a man or woman. And think of how sweet your marriage will be when you've saved all of yourself for your spouse, not only your physical purity, but also your emotions, "I love you's", and your entire heart. Don't waste your teenage years focused on being in meaningless (though they may seem important at the time) relationships, and you will be blessed more than you can imagine!
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God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE. So do not be afraid to testify about our LORD.
~2 Timothy 1:7-8 |
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cassie14
Posts:68
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| 04/07/2011 8:47 PM |
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| ok thanks for your input anyone else? |
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*judge no one* |
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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 04/07/2011 10:18 PM |
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| i agree with Rose... im going to do the "courtship" thing also. |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 04/08/2011 12:23 AM |
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| I'm going with what Clare said. She has the wisdom, and I agree with what she says. Not that I don't agree with what Jo and everyone else said, but Clare's advice just seemed to stick out a little more. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 04/08/2011 9:05 PM |
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I think what Clare said is very true, and i know guys who have been completely smashed by breakups.
I think, as someone has said before, that dating is the "trying out" people thing, and courting is the "I want to possibly marry you" thing.
alot of christian people do the dating phase (munis the sleeping around stuff) to initially figure out who is a possible future husband (from a girls perspective) and then the courtship thing when they figure out that they want to possibly spend their life with someone.
I prefer the "courting" option, but as yet, I can't really talk on this subject, because all the "courting" relationships I've tried have all fallen flat hehe, but again, cuz I was younger, i had no idea what I was doing seriously, i wish i could go back and change what I did... (well, if they hadn't happened i wouldn't be who i am today, so yeah haha. I guess I like who I am today)
anyways, if you're still confused, type into the "search" bar on the main advice forum page "dating vs courtship" and see what's been written there |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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IDLibrarian
Posts:20
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| 02/02/2012 4:36 AM |
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| Personally, I think it doesn't make sense to become emotionally involved until you can seriously consider marriage. |
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JoyfullyHis
Posts:7
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| 02/02/2012 5:42 PM |
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It sorta sounds as if you're asking two different questions. To answer the one - the age one...
I'm a 17 year old girl who's in a commited relationship. I suppose you might count that as courting. By commited, I mean that we have set the goal of marriage in the [more near then far] future, and are actively working towards that goal.
Obviously, this raises LOTS of eyebrows.  Which is fine. Also, my boyfriend [I hate that term - so trite] is nine years older then me - and I'll let you do the math. :grins: And, finally, my parents are very involved.
I was NOT seeking out a relationship with him, or ANY guy at this point in my life. It literally 'fell into my lap' - before we 'fell in love', I should add - and I praise God for that! So, I guess - if you're [mostly] ready for marriage... [no one can be, completly] it would boil down to this:
Are you ready to settle down to be with one person for the rest of your life?
No, I mean really. Not what you imagine, not a fairy tale, but the good, the bad, and the very wonderful- ALL of it?
And it doesn't matter if you're sixteen or thirty-six, only you know the answer to that.
[I'm awful tired, so let me know if that didn't make sense. ] |
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IDLibrarian
Posts:20
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| 02/04/2012 9:14 PM |
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That's perfect, and exactly how I feel. I found a friend who could take me at my worst, and I could spend the rest of my life with. The fact that we've decided that maybe God wants us to do exactly that... well, it's more exciting and, at the same time comforting than anything I could have imagined! If he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I'd accept. That's how strongly I feel that this is what God wants for us.
And by the way, I hate the term 'boyfriend' too. |
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ilovemyhubby521
Posts:11
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| 02/09/2012 10:05 AM |
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JoyfullyHis, my goodness, its like we have the same story or something! 
I hope I didn't freak you out by saying that, I've just happened to read a couple of your posts so far and you and I seem very similar with very similar stories...
Now ANYWAY, in reply to the original question. I really believe that it is up to God to write the love story (I know that's a "duh!", but bear with me...) And everybody's maturity level is so different! I don't think that a relationship should EVER be taken lightly. As you guys have said before, they change you and stay with you, and if you don't guard your heart, it truly can leave lasting scars. So I've never been one to support casual dating. But when it comes down to what age is appropriate, or whatever, I think that its more a question of where you are in your walk with the Lord and your maturity level. I, personally, started courting JUST before I turned seventeen; my parents were VERY involved, and I was also not looking for any kind of relationship (in any way!) at the time! It very much just "fell into my lap" as JoyfullyHis said-- completely. And it was SO from God...No mistaking it. Our courtship lasted a little over a year, and it was full of many learning experiences and trials that made us both grow in so many areas. My boyfriend (okay, I've always agreed with you guys here, I hated using the term "boyfriend" too, but how does one refer to their "courtee"?!) and I became so much stronger because of how involved God was in our life and relationship. It's so amazing to watch Him work in relationships!! . Through the good and the super hard times. We got engaged in February of the next year, married in the end of May and had a gorgeous small wedding where we shared our first kiss. it was perfect. Now I am 19 and my husband (Yay! It's so exciting to call him that still!) and I are having a little boy in less then a month-- its crazy! But, I didn't mean to turn this into my life story. Just to say that I never would have written my own love story that way, but because God has such an imagination, He did! And He's going to have a different story, a different age, and a different way of making clear to you what He's doing. I don't think there is necessarily a "right" and "wrong" age or something. "Right" is when your parents (for those of us who are blessed with Godly parents, that is.) are in support and actively helping you and your special someone stay pure, and when you know that God is being the center of your friendship/relationship and is being glorified by EVERYTHING you do-- together and separately. In thoughts, and in actions. That is just my personal opinion and I hope I didn't offend anyone by my post!
In Christ, Dallas
PS. Just a silly sidenote, my husband is eight years older then me. I've never felt that it was a big age gap at all... But its interesting. Age doesn't seem to make a difference to God like it does to people here in the USA.... |
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In Christ
~Dallas |
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JoyfullyHis
Posts:7
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| 02/09/2012 11:29 AM |
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| Wow. I don't feel so alone anymore. This is totally a God-thing. [and yes, not complaining, but I have been feeling totally. alone. in some of my decisions. IDLibrarian and ilovemyhubby, thank you for your inspiration! [and I'd love to hear from you sometime - my email is on my profile ] |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 02/10/2012 6:42 PM |
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Most of my views on dating come from the way I was raised.we were part of a church were the church had the rule no dating before 18. then my dad said we couldn't date before 20 because he wanted us to experience life and be free to do things befor getting caught up in dating and the stress It brings. I use the title dating but I guess it would be more courtship.I hate that word tho! Three is so much more to life than guys! Something I wish I leaned while I am against young teen dating, I am not for waiting till you're 30 and have a big career before you decide to settle down and find a guy .
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artist_for_christ
Posts:102
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| 02/10/2012 7:02 PM |
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| Dating/courting is meant to find out if the person you are interested in is the person you can see spending the rest of your life with. If you see yourself getting married at 14-18, then that's fine. I personally feel that you shouldn't start dating until you are at least a jr./sr. in high school, but preferably out of high school. Remember that this will be the person who sees you in every situation- good or bad, healthy or sick, rich or dirt poor and they will love you just the same. They will love and cherish you when you are 80, old, gray, and wrinkled |
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~Lauren~
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
Philippians 3:7-8 |
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artist_for_christ
Posts:102
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| 02/10/2012 7:05 PM |
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| what is important right now, before you start dating someone, look at the couples God has placed in your life and observe them. This is a good way for you to decide what you want in a spouse and in your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Decide where your boundaries are and carve them in stone. If you don't do this now, then you may cross lines when you are dating/courting that you never wanted to cross in the first place without even realize you have crossed it. |
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~Lauren~
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
Philippians 3:7-8 |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 02/11/2012 1:19 AM |
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hehe at Clare about the stresses of dating haha. sorry, inside comment
yeah I think you definitely get a greater perspective of relationships etc when you're older... I know that I feel like i could possibly be ready to face a relationship now at my age, with God's help... but in some ways, I feel like I so have no clue about anything... STILL!! so is anyone excited about single awareness day? just to change the subject |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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God's Girl
Posts:48
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| 02/11/2012 11:17 PM |
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| What is single awareness day? |
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